My new hero

Have you ever heard of H.H. Wilson of Timaru? Neither had I.

During the course of my work I get to read newspapers from all over the country. From the prestigious Dominion Post to the dense-as-treacle National Business Review to the laughable Gore Ensign. One of the cringingly best parts of this role is reading some of the inane drivel spouted by people in po-dunk rural New Zealand towns. Today I found something that took WTF?!-style incoherence to a whole new level - all courtesy of the Timaru Herald.


Some years ago I wrote to the [Timaru] Herald suggesting that maybe Jesus was from another planet around another sun in our vast universe...

Sorry, what?! You wrote to a newspaper to suggest... what?!

...Richard Gunther replied there was no hope for me, because I was not altogether stupid, or words to that effect...

Not only is this a poorly-constructed sentence (even I can recognise that) it makes me want to side with Richard Gunther (whoever the hell he is)

...Now Richard you are writing letters about a film you have not seen. I think that is rather more stupid...

Now, I agree that criticising a film (I assume Richard was criticisin') without watching it is retarded... but when did this go from extra-terrestrial theology to a film review???

... Avatar is a little too long for an oldie like me and the battle scenes are prolonged, but in all my 80 years no film has ever gripped me more.

Okay... so you're a geriatric Avatar fan... I have literally nothing to say to this.

There is a message there for all of us.

Huh? THATS where you're going to end this?! I wanna know more about Alien-Jesus!

Well done H.H! You've made my year.

(I have used the news archives to research more of H.H's diatribes... stay tuned!)